A Somali sibling couple from Odense have gone to battle against Islamic dowry in the marriage.
30-year-old Karia Omar from Odense knew very well that she was playing with the fire a bit.
First, she had fallen in love with a man from Iran – a controversial choice when one has Somali roots.
Second, the couple had decided that there should be no dowry in their marriage, as is the custom in their cultures.
– When my brothers got married, I saw how much of a burden had fallen on their shoulders. A lot of money had to be raised for dowry, and I remember thinking that it was unworthy both for them and for their wives, Karia Omar explains.
She has several examples of dowries close to 100,000 kroner. If you add gold and expenses for the wedding party on top, the bill can run up to 200,000 – 300,000 kroner, she says.
For the same reason, several young men in her own circle of friends have had to give up getting married because the dowry was simply too violent.
But there are – according to DR ‘s information – also examples of men who have taken out quick loans to be able to pay for the dowry.
All the way out in the hemp, says Karia Omar.
– So when it became my own turn, I said no. But it has not been easy. I have been looked down upon from the parallel society, and there is probably someone who looks down on my parents because their daughter has not been given dowry, she continues.
More women are coming forward
Leyla Omar, 34, experienced the same opposition from the local community when she – like her sister – chose dowry.
– Some believe that our men have got us for free. And I can feel that our father and mother are not proud of it. But they have accepted that we do not want to be a part of it, says Leyla Omar.
DR has met four Muslim women who have chosen to come forward with the message: Say no to dowry.
They are all members of the association Sisters against Violence and Control, which focuses on negative social control in Danish minority communities. The association counts almost 30 Muslim women.
According to the association’s founder, Kefa Abu Ras, ‘hanging on to a large dowry’ can have major consequences for women. Especially if the marriage does not last.
– When conflicts arise in connection with an Islamic divorce, it is often the dowry that is at stake. If it is the woman who wants to divorce, then the man demands the dowry refunded, she explains.
– And if the woman can not pay, then the man refuses to sign the divorce contract. And then the woman is trapped, says Kefa Abu Ras.
